segunda-feira, 1 de dezembro de 2014

Now and Then

A random night some years ago, as a casual night, someone set up a huge table full of people. Friends of mine and him. Couples, single people, little affairs and just friends. You know, friends being friends and having fun. Among them, US. Totally strangers for each other and now we became friends talking about love issues. Suddenly, as a magic trick, we've changed the term 'friends' to 'boyfriend/girlfriend'. When did that happen? How come? Oh well, it’s just a countless affair for me, you know… I don’t believe in true love. But well, I walked in and let you walked through my unbreakable door.
Oh no, now we are a kind of model for our friends. Actually, I don’t have my friends anymore! We just put everybody together and now we have the same friends. Damn, this is getting hard to undo. Well but I like him so that’s okay for now.  
Two years, wait. Three years together? That’s too much for me. Let’s stop that before it gets worse. We fight a lot, that’s not a problem though. Break up, get back together. Is this a sort of dance? Why do we have to do that? Two young people on their twenties should stay single that decade and just have toooooooo much fun, and drinks, and maybe drugs, and sex. Oh wait, my dad cannot see that. Anyway…
Four years from now. Growing up together: college, first job, specialization and etc. Of course we've changed, and our relation as well. Too much fights and breakups. I still like him but I better give up. “Let’s fix that”, he says. Wait he proposed me. Oh no I said yes! What am I doing?? I wanna live abroad! I want to have sex with that gorgeous guy whom once in a while texts me. I’m his first girlfriend even though he is older than me. Well let’s do it. Am I still a not-romantic person? Don’t think so… I’m planning get married and have babies. Oh well, my dreams can be replaced. That guy must be bad in bed. I love you, I hate you, I love you. Let’s split up for good. Again? What about the engagement? I’m not going to do that again, boy. If we do that now, I’m not going to step back. You want that? Do you? OK. OK. What is done, is DONE.
Years passed by. Emails and messages with “I miss you” and “I love you” came along. The missing stuff never gets a fucking end. Others girlfriends and a not good relation between us. Ten years passed by since we broke up and now, after all this, after not having a good relation at all even though we tried to be friends, after all you rudeness and immaturity with me, you do call me now for that? Why? Why this? Just virtual friends also? OK. I can handle it.
It’s been almost 20 years that we know each other and I still don’t get you. I wonder what you have in mind. If it’s just a naive friendship or something like that. Have you ever forget me? Have you been planning get married with all of your pretty ex-girlfriends? Have you finally found your real soul mate after me and all we have said to each other? Well, I don’t.

Our friends talk about you. Yeah, they do gossip about you. About how lost you are and how bitches your partners are. About how you hate jokes with my name. They miss me. I miss them though. I think I miss you as well. But no, I can’t. I still have my proud and once I said – what is done, is done.